The Post Where I Realized Something About Life That You’d Really Think I’d Have Worked Out Years Ago.

I’ve always believed in omens. Maybe it’s because I’m terminally indecisive and almost pathologically incapable of following any sort of life plan no matter how low maintenance. Either way, I’m always keeping one eye open ( not literally, that would pretty much freak out everyone around me ) for portents offering guidance and some sort of divine insider knowledge.

It’s a test of sorts…to see these things, interpret them correctly, and henceforth not make a complete pig’s ear of your entire existence. So, no pressure.
Has this led me along the right path so far? I suspect not. I’m not what you’d qualify as an overachiever. Or even a slightly-under-par-but-we’ll-just-turn-a-blind-eye-to-it achiever. In fairness, my life hasn’t gone down in a screaming fireball of raging misjudgments which would make the word “shambles” weep with its inadequacy, but when I think about how I’ve done so far there’s an awful lot of awkwardly staring at my feet and shuffling from side to side.
Yet, I keep an eye open for those harbingers and trust my intuition to take me to inner peace with a side order of absolute greatness.
Imagine then, how I felt to see this on my iPad camera roll :


Apart from the appalling camera work, this is peculiar in a few ways.
1) I did not take this photo. Neither did anyone else in my family, and this pad never leaves the house.
2) Sherbet lemons? These aren’t even available in this country.. where on earth was this taken?
3) Why would anybody want to photograph a sherbet lemon box?
4) I didn’t take this photo! I know I mentioned this before, but I think as a particularly salient point it bears repeating.

Then it came to me! It’s a sign!! Look!

So I looked. What was the universe trying to tell me? Was it something about life being essentially bittersweet? Was it a “when life gives you lemons” analogy? What was the answer to this sour hard-boiled candy cue? I stared and stared. I was going to pass this test, dammit.

Then it dawned on me.
Life was telling me to go suck it.

Life can be such an ass sometimes.


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